The Perfect Man


handsome man

Now, before you read this I need to mention that it was written as a reply to someone who said something bad about women.  I can’t even remember what it was. I love guys, una too try, so don’t take this personal!

The Perfect Man is tall, dark and handsome, with piercing eyes and a weakening smile.
He is big, strong, reliable, the Rock of Gibraltar, always there, always able.
He observes when you get your hair done, says “you’re beautiful” and “is that a new dress” and “your nails are gorgeous”.
The Perfect Man knows your exact shoe size, jeans size, suit size and doesn’t really care about ur bra size.
He opens the car door and carries the groceries and says “after you”.
Her never scratches those unmentionables, at least not in your presence, and he never EVER walks out of your house zipping his fly and adjusting his belt.

The Real Man, on the other hand, may be tall OR dark OR handsome. Seldom a combination, more often a complete negation.
He is often “not-so-big” and remarkably talented at inventing the most ingenious excuses.
He observes your hairdo when he pays for it and hates painted nails when he doesn’t want to pay for them.
He doesn’t know your shoe size, jeans size or suit size, but makes a perfect science of your bra size.
He walks half a mile ahead and points you in the general direction of the two okras that dropped off your overstuffed market bag while handing you his jacket to hold, and when you complain, he is honestly clueless!
The Real Man digs for jewels in his unmentionables just before sharing your eba, and searches for gold in his nostrils while meeting your friends.

In summary then, let us liken the Perfect Man to the unicorn – stately, dignified, unattainable, and the Real Man to… well… his cousin the he-goat!


If you’re a guy, abeg no vex! Just talk to me on twitter @zeenike and pls leave a comment.  Ladies, u too!


5 responses »

  1. LOL. You dey vex o…shuo, bra size? No be we wey cause am…go ask Baba God.

    Frankly, the Perfect Man or Woman is only in theory. Good manners are imbibed in the minds of those who are willing and educated. This is evident in what they know, see, and desire.

    • Don’t mind me, jo. Like we don’t like it when u guys notice the bra size. And you’re right, the perfect man/woman doesn’t exist. I mean, really, who wants them anyway?

  2. Just read this. So is no ideal man? Well your real man too is a little far fetched. There are guys in between. Many of us are actually in between. 🙂

    • Hian! It’s not far fetched, oh! I see the type all around the place. Lol! But yeah, actually, most guys are kind of in between and sincerely we like you people like that.

  3. Girl, I got a real laugh out of this post! Great way to start the day.

    For me personally, looks are a fleeting part of a person in the grand scheme of things. We’ve all known gorgeous people who were wretched inside once we got to know them, and their beauty became inconsequential. I have a ‘type’ I’m attracted to. What’s interesting is that the looks aren’t the main part of my criteria.

    I love funny people in general. Not ‘mean, cutting’ funny, but people who are able to find irony in the smallest things and make me laugh (and who are able to laugh at themselves).

    I also am VERY attracted to ‘thinkers’….people who are able to talk about the deep things in life and aren’t shallow. People who actually decide what they believe based on pondering it.

    Along that line, I find intelligent people attractive……seriously. Actually, if my man is more intelligent than me in certain areas I see him as more able to lead and ‘dominate’ in the best sense of the word. My husband is a genius when it comes to ANYTHING having to do with electronics/technical stuff. I’m ignorance on fire in this area. He’s also funny and can make me fall down laughing at times. That combo is ideal for me.

    He’s also kind, open to new ideas, and has grown to where he can ‘read me’ pretty well. That took some work….for both of us. I had to stop expecting him to know what I was thinking without letting on something was bothering me, and he had to realize that I’m ‘wired’ in a way that is very sensitive and empathetic, and that human suffering and man’s inhumanity to man affects me in a way that is almost debilitating at times. I had to learn to share what I was feeling instead of expecting him to read my mind. I also told him how best to comfort me. He’s willing….I just had to communicate.

    INTEGRITY!!!!! I have to respect a man to love him. Integrity is my #1 criteria in any close relationship. If I can’t trust you COMPLETELY, I can’t be an intimate friend with you. I hate when people say one thing and do another. I hate when people blindly follow what’s in style, regardless of whether it’s right or not. And I will not tolerate betrayal in a close relationship. Trust is the bedrock upon which any deep relationship is built! Period!

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