The Pain in My Derrière

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I know last year I made this girl look like an angel straight from heaven. But it wasn’t always so… Alas it wasn’t always so.  Today I shall take you through the events of a certain night many, many, many, many, many, many, MANY years ago when I must have been around 6 and she 8. Or maybe we were 4 and 6? Or 5 and 7?  I don’t know.  The important thing is that we were still little enough to share a bed.

After dragging us kicking and screaming through the shower (it was a fun family night ritual, we weren’t dirty children at all) my Mum had just finished threatening me into my nightie and was in the process of caning Joy into hers.  I left them to their struggles and went to the bedroom.

Being the considerate little sister I was I got into bed, rolled to the very edge (you  know, to give my big sister enough space to sleep), made sure I took up the barest few square centimetres of blanket space and fell into blissful sleep.

Then Joy happened. 

She jumped into bed, jarring me awake as her lead-boned self bounced on the spring bed, yanked the entire blanket off me, snuggled into it and was fast asleep before I could make sense of the injustice that had just been meted out to me.   Well, this was a usual occurrence, and I did consider meekly rolling over, curling into a ball and freezing till morning but then a voice in my head said “THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!” and I sat up and braced my back against the wall.  I grabbed the blanket, set my feet on her back and shoved with all my might. The thump she made as she landed on the floor was music to my ears.  I’ve never felt better.

I tucked myself in, ready sleep again.  And then I felt a presence… I saw her hand… reaching up from the coldness beneath the bed… reaching for me… I tried to scream, tried to kick it away, but she had already grabbed my ankle in her freakishly strong hand and was dragging me down into the chasm below.  I grabbed a pillow, grabbed the head board, screamed for my Mummy, but she just lugged away and as I felt the cold of the bare floor reaching out to touch my feet I knew that if I succumbed to this today I would sleep blanket-less for the rest of my life.

I summoned all my strength and kicked out.  That shook her off for a minute, but I could see her marshalling her resources to re-launch the attack.  “FINISH HER!!!!!”, I thought, and I raised my foot up as high as it would go and brought it down, aiming to end it all with a vicious heel slam WWF style.

She looked up from the floor in alarm, saw the heel descending, looked back at me and caught my eye for a second… then rolled away.

My heel slammed straight into the (uncarpeted) floor sending shards of misery up my entire being.  I looked at her thinking “How could you betray me so?”, sucked in a deep breath and bawled like the day I was born.  And what did she do?  I’ll tell you what she did.  She jumped up from the floor, sat beside me on the bed, hugged me, told me sorry over and over again, rubbed my foot till the hurt subsided and tucked me in the blanket.  And then told me a story till I slept off.

And that, ladies and gents, is my sister.  A life-sized pain in the derriere, but still my hero.  One of the smartest people I know and definitely the most beautiful girl in the world.

(PS: I’m not always this sweet, today is her birthday)

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7 responses »

  1. THANK U SO MUCH daireenonline , INFACT I DO HAVE A MUTITUDE TO SAY BUT SINCE ITS MY BDAY LET ME BE BENEVOLENT AND ALLOW HER BE THE ANGEL…

    THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES daireenonline AND misterbadmus MUCH APPRECIATED!!

  2. Awwwww…i second this motion. She is the sweet sort. Her heart is in the right place. You on the other hand…you…hmmmm…I’ll be economical with the truth just this once. Two thumbs up on the piece.

    • Lol, Dan! You know I’m the perfect little sister, now. I combine the right percentages of sassiness and adoration for my big ones. You know this! Thanks for coming around 🙂

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